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The Average Statistician ala 1950

The average statistician is married to 1.75 wives, who try their level best to drag him out of the house 2 1/4 nights a week with only 50 percent success.

He has a sloping forehead with a 2 percent grade (denoting mental strength), 5/8 of a bank account, and 3.06 children who drive him 1/2 crazy; 1.65 of the children are male.

Only 0.07 percent of all statisticians are 1/4 awake at the breakfast table when they consume 1.68 cups of coffee--the remaining 0.32 dribbling down their shirt fronts...On Saturday nights, he engages 1/3 of a baby-sitter for his 3.06 kiddies, unless he happens to have 5/8 of a mother-in-law living with him who will sit for 1/2 the price...

Note: Given this description was written in 1950, anyone want to recreate a more modern one from the point-of-view of a female staistician?

Source: W. Miksch's "The Average Statistician," Colliers, June 17, 1950